We have been diligently searching for a new(er) vehicle for months now. Knowing that I was going to get my bonus check, and being able to estimate how much we can afford, we've been looking in the $3000 range. Well, I've been looking. Honda, Toyota. Something reliable. 4 doors. 1999 or later. You get the picture.

Ed, on the other hand, has been looking for a Mitsubishi 3000GT. He has finally found one. It costs $3700, before tax. Great condition. Low miles for the year. 1995. 2 doors. No back seat to speak of. A sports car. His "dream" car. Now I suppose I get to be the Dave Ramsey "nerd" and explain why this is not a good idea. I hate to say no. I really do. He looked like a child on Christmas when we test drove it yesterday. But let's be practical here. I'm thinking in the longer term. A different car would be easier to fix, should it break down. The 3000GT is relatively rare, so finding replacement parts is bound to be more costly. Then there is the increase in insurance that is bound to happen, not to mention the increased likelihood of a speeding ticket with a sports car. Plus there is the convenience factor. With as many kids as we have, how often will we have to take into consideration who is driving what when there is no real backseat? And finally, buying this car will completely deplete all our reserves. If the car breaks down, we will not have a penny to fix it.

So, the sports car will probably have to be a no, at least for now. Maybe.

I look around and all I see are other people driving better cars than me. I have the green monster in a bad way. Envy.

Ed and I are still in the looking/negotiating part of replacing his old 1994 Isuzu Rodeo. The car has numerous issues, including oil and steering fluid leaks. It HAS to go. Everytime I drive down the road, I think that I could be driving one of those nicer cars.

If only I was willing to take out a loan.

If only I was willing to sacrifice my future and the future of my kids.

If only I was willing to ignore everything I've learned so far.

So instead, we are taking my bonus money and putting it towards the new(er) vehicle. Paying cash. 100% down, 0% interest. So the childish part of me will have to deal with it, and get over it.

So if you see me driving down the street in an older, somewhat less pretty vehicle, wave and give me a thumbs-up. I'll need the reinforcement.

Yeah, we're idiots. Really. We are. Stupid. Embarrassing. Failures.

Well, maybe not as bad as that, but it sure felt like it this past week. It's both of our faults, actually.

$900.

That's how far in the hole we were in our joint checking account. IN THE HOLE!! As in, negative balance. As in, mega-I-don't-want-to-even-count-the-fees.

I hadn't written in the bills I paid for the car and mortgage. Ed just assumed that those were paid by fairies? I don't know.

When he said that he sent Valerie some replacement money for the money that was stolen, I assumed it came out of his individual account. It didn't.

Ah, the fees just kept adding up. I HAVE to get i-alerts. And we both have to start communicating better, and figure out a way to keep track of this joint account. And stop assuming. That's the big one.

What is so weird is that I am very assertive when it comes to every other aspect of my life, but when it comes to communicating about money, I turn into a meek wimp. I command bushels of children each day, as well as several para-professionals, and work with beginning teachers, but find myself completely unable to be on top of a little checking account.

New month, new budget.

This week has been a challenge! Seems that Murphy wants to visit any time he gets a chance.

Not to whine, but: The van is in the shop. Tracie has strep throat. Nick has strep throat. Ed fired the bug guys because the roaches are still around. The money we sent Valerie for the week was stolen from her. We are still looking for a vehicle under $3,000, and can't find one. All this happened YESTERDAY!

When it rains, it pours. Luckily we have some money in our savings account to help pay for some of these unexpected costs. (well, we HAD some savings.) Now, who knows? We'll pretty much have to start from scratch on our savings account. I feel that once we get started again, and the kids' health insurance kicks in, we won't have as much in the way of unexpected expenses. My goal is to have $1500 in the bank for emergencies. Then start paying off stuff on my credit report.

Right now, I am still trying to get rid of my cell phone contract. It turns out that I can save $30 per month by going to one line. If I then sell the extra phone for $100, that pays for about 3 months of service. If I can get someone to take over the contract, I can save the whole thing. ($60 per month). I thought I had the cheapest plan. It turns out that I have the cheapest "family" plan, but If I only had one line, it would be half the cost. AND they advertise the second line is "fre". Some "free". Hmph. Now I'm embarrased that I never looked at that before.

Sometimes you can look at things two ways.

Valerie broke her nose in two places two weekends ago while playing softball in Memphis (So far from home!) But I am grateful that I have a daughter who is not only smart enough to be in college, athletic enough to get a scholarship to play, but also one who wants to call home when she is hurting.

Justin broke his glasses in half last week, requiring replacement frames. But I am grateful that I have children who can see and get around in this big scary world.

Our dryer stopped heating this weekend, so we got a repairman to come out on EASTER and he only charged us $50. But I am grateful that we live with electricity and many modern conveniences that make having a large family possible.

We got another large doctor's bill in the mail. But I am grateful that we have access to doctors in a timely manner, and that nothing serious was wrong.

It's easy to look and things and complain. This goes wrong, that goes wrong. When you have 5 kids, things seem to ALWAYS be going wrong. I know we are nowhere near saving as much as we would like. But the blessings we have are so tremendous!

Today is my birthday, and I am grateful.

Donna

We are getting our hall bathroom done this week. What a mess! First came the demo'ing, which was pretty cool, actually. We basically had everything removed from the bathroom, tub, toilet, sink, everything.

Before pictures, and one after the demo.

Ugly wallpaper!

Before the demolishing

Hole in the floor, ugh!

Then the guys had to replace almost all the subflooring from when it had gotten wet. More cement board on top of that. Some messing around with the plumbing where everything didn't meet right, installing of a new tub, tub wall, tile, vanity and top, and fixtures, and we're almost done. Only about $150 over budget.

I have made 9 (count 'em) 9 trips SO FAR to my favorite home improvement store this rainy week. Most of them were made in downpours, and I can't figure out how that happened. I've spent anywhere from $6 to $118 per trip on stuff that was needed. Connectors for the PVC pipes? Got it! More tiles for the floor? On its way. Etc., etc., etc. Did you know there's a difference between sanded and unsanded grout? Me, neither. I hate spending money on stuff I can't see.

On our buying trip on Sunday, we had to make some hard decisions about items so we wouldn't go over budget. We actually came in a little under budget on that trip, which is good since we have spent more on extra items thsi week. We first picked out 2 nice sets of fixtures, but when we went to a different home improvement store, we saw ones we liked just as well for a total of $60 less. We decided to go with a "plain-Jane" (Ed's words) vanity that came with a top for $139 instead of the one I really wanted, which was similar, for $279. We bought a low-flow toilet for $119, which wasn't the cheapest, but which had the best flush rating. If you are going to go low-flow, you need good flush power. Finally, we put off replacing the light fixture and medicine cabinet until later. They are serviceable for now, so no hurry.

Almost done pictures:

New vanity!!

New bath and fixtures

No hole!

We still will have a few finishing touches to do, including painting, but then this will be DONE! I can hardly wait!

Why is it that when you can't have something, you want it even more?

I want a pedicure. French manicure. De-yuckify my feet. Massage. Mmmmmmmmm.

I can count on one hand the number of pedicures I've ever had. Actually, I can count on 2 fingers. So why do I crave one now?

I've noticed this a lot lately. The things I say no to now are things I might not have thought of at all, except for this program. I want fried chicken. I want to go to the fish fry at my church. I want a new dress. I want a haircut. I want, I want, I want......

Such a 2-year-old.

I pedicured my own feet. Okay, I bought a nail kit a while ago so I dragged it out and did it myself. It looks terrible.

I making my own fried chicken for dinner. I make terrible fried chicken.

I skipped the fish fry at church. At $8 a plate, I can't justify it.

I haven't had a haircut in about 10 months. Maybe I'll set up an appointment at one of those training salons.

The dress? Eh. I rarely wear dresses. My job with special-needs kids require me to be able to run and wrestle, so it's pants and comfortable shoes every day.

I realize that the psychology of the thing is such that you want what is denied you. I just didn't realize that it involved so much of my conscious thinking. I don't feel stronger or smarter for saying no to myself. I feel denied.

It's kind of like dieting, where if you can't have a food, you crave it even more. It's just weird what I am craving. It's the pickles-and-ice cream thing.

Anyone want to come over and give me a pedicure?

I feel like a freak among all these wonderful people. I'm the only one with a bankruptcy on record. How it happened was a long process, but I've decided to share part of it here to show that not everyone is just a slacker.

As a note, I will NOT share this information on camera.

My first husband and I adopted 2 kids from DCF in 1992. Justin was 4 and our daughter, I'll call her Mary for her privacy, was 7. For 2 years, everything was fine. Well, as fine can be while going from no kids to 2. Anyway, in 1994, I was suddenly left a single parent. A year or so later, my daughter started having issues. By this I mean, acting really crazy.

With the help of our adoption worker, I found a therapist that specialized in attachment disorder. She was in Panama City. So once a week, I would leave work early and head to PC for several hours of intense therapy. Every week. Twice a week in the summer.

After 2 years and hitting middle school, Mary was a bit better in attachment department, but then she really started to get rough, stating that she was going to hurt herself, etc. In and out of psych facilities, visits from the police, ambulances, and one very memorable time from the fire department. She was in treatment in Panama City and in Pensacola, and once lived with my mom for a total of 3 weeks. I even tried a program in Tampa that was to help troubled girls get their education and job skills. After paying for the first month, I left her there only to have her run away the next day.

She was diagnosed Attachment Disorder, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, obsessive/compulsive, PTSD, and even ADHD.

We tried Camelot, Girls and Boys' Town, Childrens' Home Society, and anything else we could think of. Mary was arrested and re-arrested, and sentenced to psych facilities. She finally ran away for 6 months when she was 15, living with truckers on the road.

This cost a lot of money. Lots and lots of money. Lawyers, doctors, medication, psychiatrists, therapists. Gas, time off work, miles on the car. Health insurance was great, but not that great. After 5 years, I was in the hole more than $50,000 and saw no way out. I wish someone would have sent Dave Ramsey my way. I would have known better, but I didn't. I got a lawyer and filed bankruptcy.

On the positive side, I learned what it was to pray constantly. I did that. Prayed constantly and consistently. I just wanted my child to be healthy.

She now lives in Michigan, with her second husband. He is 43, she is 24. They live in state-supported housing with her son from a different man. Neither of them works.

But at least she seems happy.

So Val calls from college last week. Her car had broken down, and it costs *gasp* $1000 to fix. She is all the way in Birmingham, and there is no way we can be sure what is wrong, so we have to trust the first guy she goes to. He tells her that she is better off at the dealership since she needs some very specific parts. So off to the dealership she goes with her car and a tow truck. The bill comes to over $1000 and her dad and I pay.

She has to have a car since she is traveling to and from practice, games, her apartment, and class on a regular basis. The scholarship she has pays for her off-campus housing, but it means that she isn't near enough to walk to the practice and ball fields, and she'd have to walk in the snow to get to class. But that $1000 sure hurt.

Ed and I are looking for ways to economize on our home repairs for our bathrooms. We had intended to replace the vanity in the master bath, but I think that will just have to stay for awhile longer. Also, we were thinking, since the bathrooms have to be almost completely gutted that we should go ahead and spend the extra $400 for a jacuzzi tub, but now a regular tub will probably have to do. *sigh* I was looking forward to the jacuzzi tub.

Why we are here:

Friday, August 22, 2008. Tropical Storm Fay hits Tallahassee bringing high winds and rain. We were lucky in that we sustained no damage to our home or property. Near our home, a tree hits a power pole and snaps it in half. No air conditioning, no television, no refrigeration, nothing. City crews work hard to put in a new pole, but we end up without power for 3 days. In August. High summer. Because we live paycheck to paycheck, we don’t have the money to go to a hotel. The best we can do is to buy a couple of battery-operated fans and open the windows. Every once in a while, we’d go out to the van and sit in the air-conditioning. Sleeping was miserable. A friend let me store our frozen foods at her house so we wouldn’t lose everything from the fridge.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!?

Making changes:

Change is hard. Everyone says that. Our family is no different. Everyone is on board to save money, but it seems that no one wants to make the hard choices. Give up the cell phones? No way! Reduce cable service? Not happening!

The one area we can agree to cut down is eating out. A family of five (six when Valerie is home from college) can easily spend $30 on a meal from one of our favorite fast-food places. $30 is a fourth of our weekly budget for food. And that’s for fast food. Eating at a buffet or nicer restaurant can top $50. But it so easy when you are out running around and the kids are hungry to stop by the Arches for something quick. Or if dinner didn’t turn out quite like it was supposed to and we wouldn’t want to the little darlings to go hungry, so Ed picks them up something on his way home. Or if I am just too exhausted after a week of teaching special ed to even have to try figure out what to fix for dinner.

But we are changing. We have reduced eating out by quite a lot. We are trying to plan ahead (think frozen lasagna) for those nights when we are really tired, and are going to make a meal plan so we can make sure to have everything on hand for easy preparation. This is quite a change for us, because our previous behavior on many nights went something like this:

4:00 Get home
5:30 Start looking in the freezer for something to cook
6:00 Decide on chicken because there is no garlic bread to go with spaghetti, no hamburger buns for the hamburgers, and not enough time to make stew.
6:30 Grill chicken, cook rice (Nick’s favorite and probably the only thing he’ll eat at dinner, picky eater) and open a can of vegetables.
7:30 Dinner is ready, everyone but Ed, who’s not home from work yet) comes out of their rooms to get a plate and I hear, “Chicken, again?”
Yep, chicken again.

New behavior is hard to learn, but we are working on variety, and by having the meals pre-planned, I hope to make things easier for us, and reduce the temptation to eat out. I am also planning on having the kids each take one dinner each night to plan and help prepare. This will help them in the future by teaching them cooking skills, but also should help them understand how to plan ahead.

Wish us luck. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion on a sesame seed bun is mighty tempting.