Well, maybe not “stupid” per se, but certainly not helpful TO ME. 

I love “researching” new things, and as you may have gathered, there are many financial management skills that are all new to me.  Figuring out that a budget was possible in my erratic earning circumstances was revelatory, but trying to crack the credit score code is still a HUGE mystery to me. 

It really makes me frustrated when any system appears to be “rigged” (or carefully secreted) to benefit the makers of the system – and all persons are obligated to play on a rigged field (maybe that’s why I teach about things like Woman Suffrage?)  But I need someone to explain to me WHY MY CREDIT SCORE ISN’T BUDGING.  They tell you to pay down debt:   I paid off the credit cards and cut them up (I know, I know, they don’t like you to try to “opt out” of their game).  They tell you not to allow credit inquiries or checks:  But the gazillions of inquiries made last AUGUST when I had to BEG for a mortgage should have GONE AWAY by now.  RIGHT?  Someone tell me what to do & I’ll do it.  It is KILLING ME how slow the process of getting financially on track takes – because it would take me exactly ONE GOOD WEEKEND to mess it all up completely ;)  They tell you to pay your bills on time:  I do!  I’M SEEING NO PAYOFF HERE.

I’m getting frustrated & I’m not checking my spending (in fact, I’ve essentially lapsed back to old habits of “I see it, I buy it” just at the moment when my income is less certain for the summer – gah!) or doing the daily maintenance on my finances that I know is necessary.

I tried Wise Up Woman (“for gen X & Y women” or whatever that means): http://wiseupwomen.tamu.edu/

I have sought advice from credit fairy.org (saw a billboard on Magnolia & St. Augustine – they claim “your credit score won’t improve itself!”  Truer words have never been spoken).

Below I have gathered a representative sample of less-than-helpful ideas promoted by MANY different books, websites, gurus . . . I forgot where these gems came from, but the themes are near-universal.  What kills me is that there is a notable lack of HOW involved in the financial advice world.  Budget.  Save.  Improve.  Cut back.  Bad things will happen if you don’t.  Ok.  And then I’ll go teach myself to speak German. 

1. Make a budget and stick to it.

Seriously.  I’m not sure it’s as simple as all that.  Are Americans everywhere just stupid or unmotivated?  Methinks not.

2. If you make a lot, or are awarded a lot of money, pretend like it has to last you 100 years.

Bwahahahahahah!  Is this real?  Does this happen to people?  While we’re at it, let’s “pretend like” there is world peace!

3. Be conservative with your purchases.

Just a moment – I just snorted soda through my nose.  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??  Buy the cheap seats for Cirque duSoleil?

4. Buy a home and car with a monthly note that will allow you to put money in an emergency savings and a long term savings account for vacation or future purchases.

Isn’t this the same thing as #1??  And #3?  Did I miss some hidden wisdom here?

5. Decide what you can afford based on the above and make a written budget, that budget should include cost to run your home, to get to work, to go on vacation, and to save, save, save for now and the future. 

#1, #3 & #4?

6. If you have an addiction to expensive "things" work on that problem. That is the number 2 problem that causes poverty with people who make a lot of money, behind the number 1 problem, which is "budgeting ignorance".

Gah!  “work on that problem”?  Would that count as “advice” to someone with an addiction to anything else?  “Work on that problem” doesn’t strike me as a particularly useful piece of advice for any problem.

7. If you work on a contract, you have to be especially careful with spending because you have a big tax bill at the end of every year based on your big income. 

I’m doing GREAT now because I just took 3 Xanex for my massive ANXIETY ATTACK that this statement just elicited.  I have to be “especially careful”?  Big TAX BILL?  Who wants any of that?  Maybe I need to "work on" my denial problem.

8. Remember that it takes a long time to create a financially sustainable budget, because you have to consider cost that you normally don’t think about.

No kidding.

It's the best financial software out there.  I can't manage my own finances (apparently), so I rely on Mint.com (totally free, BTW) to do it for me.  And it's been brilliant -- except when I got that e-mail that said "DANGER!  YOUR BANK BALANCE IS LOW!" and I FREAKED OUT -- I had actually planned for the balance to be what it was, but that e-mail gave me a heart attack.  And the other e-mail that proclaimed I had spent $500 at Express (the clothing store in the mall?  Haven't been there since 1992).  Yes, I FREAKED OUT again & cancelled my debit card by phone on the weekend & located my checkbook -- but my debit card was right there in my wallet -- not used by some (by now well-dressed) thief at the mall.  RATS.  So they'll send me a new debit card, right?  I like using cash, but I have grown accustomed to that card!

WRT: www.Mint.com: Money Magazine loves it -- Good Housekeeping, LHJ, etc -- but you have to be ok with it accessing your accounts electronically while you sleep.  If you can get over that, it will track your mortgage, do bill alerts, give you pie charts about what you are spending WRT your budget and also WRT the national average for that category.  Tres cool.

And now I'm looking over the site for kids:  www.giveme20.com -- maybe I'll get some ideas for my dear daughter who has champagne taste.  Rats again.  where did she get THAT? 

Lots on here about birthdays -- why do we all feel so guilty/obligated/stressed?

Mara was born on the International Workers' Holiday -- May Day -- to please the radicals in my family (mostly kidding).  And she's a girl with a working-class spirit.  She wants a sleep-over (virtually free), and a home-made cake (also almost free) and she wants to take a larger group of kids to the neighborhood pool (again, 'pert near free) -- and she wants a Nintendo DSi -- LIKE REALLY BADLY!  And it's $170 -- very bourgeois.  She has some money in savings, but if you ask me, this comes from the "spend" envelope, right?  And does mom pitch in?  How about dad?  Can she get a "loan" on her "commissions"?  Anyone?  HELP!!!!!

I'm doing the craigslist thing!  I sold two recreational (sit-on-top) kayaks on Craigslist & one gal pressed $100 more than I was asking into my hand because "she knew how much this thing was worth."  Um, ok.

Since we can only have garage sales duing the designated times in our neighborhood, I'm going to get busy selling what's left over from the last one.

I have an almost new Bernette 50 sewing machine that I paid almost $400 in 1999 (!!) because I had a friend convince me that "proper mothers" sew.  well, I can't sew -- and I've given up my illusions about being a "proper mother" :)

So I'll offer it to FCCU blog readers first -- still has the manual (obviously unread) -- and if I get no bites in a week, I'm selling it on Craigslist.  I'd like $200, but talk to me . . .

Also, I am still having trouble getting my bills paid -- and I promised to look into FCCU i-alerts (thanks for the reminder, Diana).  But one of my three phones on my cell contract expires in May & I may buy out the other two & find a better provider.

Who knows what the best deals going are?  I need about 1,200 minutes & two phones.  I have a friend who would like me to get a text option ;)  I have an offer to long-term borrow an Alltell Triuo if anyone knows of a great Alltell gig.  And who has heard of Boost?  Unlimited calls for $53/month?  That's the rumor I heard.

Please dish -- Daisy?  What did you find out? 

I will get to spend $175 in grant money & save the planet at the same time!

Today I did the kind of garden therapy that my coaches would approve of:  I begged my master gardner friend for a CAR FULL of butterfly garden plants (FREE!  FREE!  FREE!) and I got confirmation that I am the lucky recipient of a Think About Personal Pollution (TAPP) Rain Garden grant in the amount of $175!  I'm so proud of myself for following through!  They sent a master gardener to my house to consult with me & I drew my own sketch -- and I bought a rain barrel off craigslist for $15 (they can cost $189 in fancy catalogs) and I'm going to have friends help me fit it out to catch rain water for the gardens (and to help prevent stormwater run-off pollution). 

Now I have to borrow (or barter for) a rototiller :D

Yeah Earth Day!  And if you see me spending at the garden shops . . . I'm ALLOWED TO!

I keep looking for ways to save, and it finally worked!

I called about my homeowners' insurance (and I asked some REALLY TOUGH questions -- yeah me!) but there is nothing to be done there.

I asked about refinancing my mortgage, but I got no love there either (I knew the answer would be "no," but as my mother can attest, that rarely keeps me from asking!)

But the pharmacist off-handedly mentioned last month that I could take generics 3 times a day (of a maintenance medication I cannot eliminate) instead of a brand name in the a.m. and a generic in the evening -- my savings would be $40 a month!! I called the Dr. and she just adjusted the way the Rx was written.

Over the course of this challenge, that's almost $400! And I used a coupon for a $10 gift card (which I promptly spent -- see, Michelle, I have "entertainment" :) It's too bad that I spent a significant chunk of that savings -- because the pharmacy discount at Target just lulls me into a false sense of justification for shopping!

I'm prepared to be more grateful & look for opportunities to learn new things.

There’s a difference between being broke and being poor. Being broke is a place you are just passing through – poor is a mindset. My mom grew up “thinking poor.” After all, her mother was a product of the Depression and still saves bits and scraps of food. My mother would sooner phone an acquaintance at 2 in the morning if her plane was delayed past the shuttle running time than call a cab – it would never occur to her to pay for one. This is not to suggest that she is *cheap* because she (and I) are far too worried what others will think of us to appear “cheap.” But this, I think, is the origin of my “can’t resist a great sale” gene.

After watching my pity party on the last webisode, I couldn’t help but want to take myself by the scruff of the neck, give a good shake, and say “get a hold of yourself!” Apparently I had lapsed into a habit of “thinking poor” and I’d lost focus on the bits of my life that are really great – those bits, as a fact, that have actually improved since I’d been more focused on my budget. In the book I’ve mentioned before _Not Buying It_ I’d started a chapter where the author says that “a feeling of scarcity is setting in.” She had once enjoyed the theater, and she is cranky because she doesn’t want to take up knitting or learn Greek. She complains that “the idea of one more homemade, edifying pastime makes me yawn.” It was reassuring to know that what I’d been feeling a few weeks ago – feeling sorry for what I did NOT have, wasn’t unique to me.

Shopping circumvents boredom – or in my case, takes my attention away from the constant hum of stress that runs in the background of my mind: write a lecture, grade papers, meet a student, write a proposal, write this blog, pick up the kids, feed them lunch, get ready for Zumba, pick up the Fed Ex, run to the Department of State, run back there soon, plan dinner, answer phone calls, e-mails, children’s requests . . . The author points out that “consumption is an exercise in hope – hope for more happiness, more beauty, more status, more fun.” Amen, sister. No wonder that when we are asked to stop spending our way out of predicaments, we suddenly feel “poor.”

I’m on an upswing now . . . I’ve stopped beating myself up for making mistakes. Since my last electric bill was so high, I haven't opened the recent one. don't know when it is due. Don't want to know. Come to think of it, I don't know when the cell phone bill & land line bill are due either. I'm falling backward some. I'm a sprinter, not a marathoner.

Since I’m my own worst critic, I’m going to start enjoying the process a little more – maybe then I’ll be less focused on SUCCESS! and more open to learning something that I might have otherwise whizzed by.

This week I’m going to learn more about how I can position myself to refinance my mortgage, I’m going to find out where I should put my tax refund to best advantage, and I’m going to get my bills paid AND write down their next due date so they are not late. I have other FIT chores I’m working on, but I’m going to give myself an extension for getting them done . . . Progress, not perfection, right?

I recently heard the question "how do you medicate stress and discontent?"  I thought, "well, I garden."  And then I revised:  "I SHOP for my garden."

I have successfully de-toxed off of my recreational Target shopping – the last time I went into a Target was 1) planned 2) for two “after school” drinks (budgeted, of course :)  one for me, one for Reesa.  Our total ticket was $1.67.  I have the receipt.  Before I was able to exert that level of self-control, I began writing down what drew me into the stores:  usually I had a pocket of downtime between activities:  not enough time to do something entirely productive, too much time to flip through a magazine.  I wrote what my goals were for going into the store (usually ill-defined, nebulous things like “check for a sale on ________.”)

One other thing I tried (and it worked!) was not to “deny” myself the store ritual right away.  I would just be very mindful of what I was doing.  During these trips, I brought a camera into the store with me (a little strange, I admit, but one could use one’s cell phone camera, I suppose), and I snapped a photo of every item that, in the past, I’d have put in the cart.  I remembered using this strategy with the kids at Disney gift shops – it wasn’t the plastic thing they wanted, they were satisfied with “having” the picture.  My “gimmes” were immediately extinguished – and when I look back at those photos, I not only don’t NEED those things, I don’t really even WANT them anymore.

I’m reminded that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”  Clearly, despite my best efforts, I still medicate stress and discontent with spending.  Still.  Even when Target is no longer my “therapist.”   I find myself challenged (and scared silly) by a health condition that I will have surgically removed later this month.  (Apparently, I’m over-reacting.)  The nurse is SO GOOD AT HER JOB.  She can settle me instantly without making me feel like a hypochondriac.  But she can’t be on the phone to me all day – and that’s why I’ve indulged my desires to shop for a summer garden.  It feels so much less SELF INDULGENT to buy plants & dirt.  It improves my property’s value after all!  It will support bio-diversity!  It is virtually a CHARITABLE DONATION.  I’m much less terrified of dying young when I’m planting things . . . and I’m going for more free mulch . . . and I did mentioned that I am stressed, didn’t I??  

I received some seeds from a (very kind) fellow free-cycler and offers of plants from a master-gardener friend.  I am researching the TAPP grant program for rain garden plants this coming week.  But I am realizing that although I might be able to staunch the bleeding in the direction of one source of out-flow, the shopping “high” I get – the one that is just enough to help me forget about scary and sad things – remains strongly associated with buying things.  But isn’t recognizing one’s problems a step to solving them?  Wish me luck – I’m going to need it this growing season. 

I sold my "interest" in a 42" LCD 1080 dpi (or whatever) television -- and I couldn't be happier!

It stood to reason that if the $100+/month Direct TV package left with my tenant, then the behemoth screen that dominated my (otherwise lovely) living room could exit as well.  I had the great good fortune to be able to "sell" my part-ownership of said screen to its co-owner and I have to say that no one has yet fainted.  The kids are interested to know where they will play their video games (I've so far skated by with vague sounds of interest in their problem), but honestly, they come home, do their homework, attend their extracurricular activites (if any), play outside (YES!), eat dinner & then go to bed.  I've always said that I watch an average of one hour of TV per YEAR, so I certainly don't miss it (I couldn't find ANYTHING to watch when we had 600+ HIGH DEFINITION (or whatever) channels . . . so I'm good.   [Insert image of "before" and "after" tv pictures].

I'm struggling to find balance in my budget -- when I really think about it, the "competition" angle, while motivating, is pressing me into an emotional space that is not long-term.  That is to say, I have cut what I can, and when I want/need two bottle-brush trees (found cheaper by HALF at TLH Nursery than Espositos -- see?  It's a bargain!  And plants are SO MUCH MORE justafiable -- so much more defensible -- than clothes or spa appointments :)  Even though I've been picking up extra work, limiting my groceries, gas . . . well everything to the absolute MUSTS, I am getting hyper-focused on what I'm denying myself.

I'm reading a book right now called _Not Buying It_ in which the author decides to spend on only "necessary" items for a year.  Her golas are different than ours here -- she is decidedly anti-consumption & I think I am just trying to get in the right space about consumption.  She's not trying to learn any life skills; that is my main "prize" from this experience, I think.  She is buys things that seem frivolous to me, and cuts things that I think are silly to do without -- again, she is "suffering" for the sake of this expose.  I don't think that "suffering" should be part of any skill set you are trying to embrace for the rest of your life.

Nevertheless, she was discussing "leakage" -- you know, the $40 cash you have in your wallet that simply disappears on who-knows-what (mine this week was $12 for class pictures, $7 because Mara "babysat" her sister when I needed her to, and $20 for a couple grocery items + popsicles for the girls).  She quips that she should add a column to her budget:  "Existance, Misc."  I think that may be my line item for those bottle-brush trees (unless anyone is pulling theirs up & setting them by their curb?) 

Grrrr . . . my electric bill is the HIGHEST it has ever been in the six + months I've lived here.

Has anyone's bill ACTUALLY gone down or even stayed the same?  I guess the utility department has figured out how to close their revenue shortfalls.