Holidays are inevitably full of emotions – good ones and bad – and I have, for many years, wanted to jump off of the cycle of gift-giving that always struck me as mindless & wasteful. I realize that I tend to buy presents for an elaborate set of emotional reasons, and this habit is so firmly entrenched that I find myself buying & giving even when I don’t want to.

Fortunately, this year I have been the most free from the kind of “obligatory” spending/giving that always makes me feel worse than (and broker than) before. Also fortunately, we have been priming the kids for a sharp drop off in “gift expectation” (associated with crass consumerism & wasteful consumption) by reminding them that ours is NOT a traditional gift-giving holiday and that the spirit of the season should be “giving the gift of one’s company and good cheer.” But that has only gone so far.

I have brought them on a trip away from our creature comforts in some measure to shake them out of expectations of “me, me, me” that we’d indulged when they were small. I would like to make more adventurous forays into TRULY needy places (even those close to home) in the future to also help temper the instinct to want to RECEIVE the STUFF of the season that the sharp uptick in commercials targeted to children inspire.

But this year, I am happy that we have found the gift of “moderation.” I finally found a space in which I do not feel resentful about – either because I’m spending too much or too little. I said to Mara today after buying a guilty trinket in a fancy soap shop: “I really like an indulgent bauble [in this case, fancy soap] that is, at the same time, useful.” I am happy to look at the fancy things & make a notebook of my “wants” and plan for them. In the meantime, I can have small indulgences & give moderately to my children and family – because these little bits of glitter are in my budget!